Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
