bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
