I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
