Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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