Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
