Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize