so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
