i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
