Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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