when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
