A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
