ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
