I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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