eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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