he shaved USA in his pubs
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
