Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
