Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
