I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
