thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
