the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
