Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
