Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
