I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
