It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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