Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
