and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
