I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
