I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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