he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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