shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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