my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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