So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
