fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
