biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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