tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
