Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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