if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
