so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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