my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
