I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
