Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
