ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize