Yo dont text me then not text me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
