It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What drink are we having for lunch?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
