I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
