So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
