so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
