you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
