...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
