Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
