Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
