just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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