I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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