It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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