WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
