fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
