It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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