she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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