Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
