sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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