Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
