it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize