Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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