i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
