i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize