I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
