Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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