It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize